leanisilver

Title: Burning
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Torture, spoilers and angst.
Summary: Sometimes he will remember this, and the pain is if possibly even greater than the one he wakes up from the nightmares with, because he will remember that Adam is still in there. Adam is still there, all alone, being Lucifer's only source of entertainment. (Because Adam and Sam spent a year in the cage and Sam will never forget it.)( Read more... )

Sometimes Sam dreams of the cage, there's pain, fire, blood and Lucifer's laughter that makes him wake sweating, a soundless scream on his lips. Sometimes he will flash back to it when he's awake, it's a rumbled mess of torture that leaves him shaking. But there are other times when he will simply remember the cage. Not the being ripped apart, being thrown into false realities and Lucifer's whispering driving him mad.

He will remember the times in between, the times when Lucifer would be busy with Adam, and he would hear his brother's screams, and a part of him would be grateful even as he begged to take his place. He'll remember the times when the devil was busy arguing with his own brother, Michael and Lucifer would fight and make up over and over again, and it was the only time Adam and Sam would be forgotten. They would crawl up close to each other, tense, constantly fearing they would be remembered again.

They would talk to each other, whispering as to not draw attention to themselves. Sometimes Sam thinks these talks was the only reason he remembered who he was, remembered who he really was, not the twisted version of himself Lucifer told him he was. Other times they would both have Lucifer's full attention.

He would hold Adam's gaze then, for as long as he could, locking onto the only human being in existence as they both were carved opened and burned alive. It would take away some of the pain, to remember he was not alone in this, and it would make him stronger. Because he needed to be strong, he needed it to be there for his baby brother, even though he could do nothing for him, he needed to think he could.

Sometimes he will remember this, and the pain is if possibly even greater than the one he wakes up from the nightmares with, because he will remember that Adam is still in there. Adam is still there, all alone, being Lucifer's only source of entertainment. He can't find Sam's eyes anymore, the few times he is left alone he will truly be alone, alone in the darkness.

Sam wonders if his little brother still remembers who he is, still remembers who Sam is. He's been locked in there for hundreds of years. Dean doesn't remember, not most of the time, he has pressed it so far to the back of his mind because he couldn't handle it. But Sam remembers, he always remembers and nothing hurts more than the fact that he can't do anything about it.

He was ready to give up everything to stop the apocalypse, Adam wasn't, Adam was just a kid who happened to be pulled into it. Adam said it was okay of course, those dark nights in the cage, they would convince each other it was worth it. But now Sam wonders, he wonders if he'd not rather take on the devil again than constantly remember that his brother will be in hell, burning, screaming, alone. Forever.